God Granted Me the Serenity

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.  Jeremiah 29:11

A little over 21 years ago, God put Daryl and I on a path that forever changed us. We were expecting our first child. As exciting as pregnancy can be, my journey had a lot of bumps in the road to say the least. If there was a less than 5% chance of having some weird, unpleasant symptom as a result of being pregnant, well my body would claim it. The first 12-14 weeks found me thrown over a garbage can, a plastic bag, or anything that would catch the contents of what little my stomach may have held. Gross, but it was the truth. I love my 2 babies that the good Lord blessed me with, but my body did not agree well at all with carrying them.

At our appointment to find the sex of this baby, we were excited to see if it was a boy or girl. The excitement quickly faded when we were told there was an issue with the baby’s arms. It was a girl by the way, but we were told they couldn’t see anything past her elbows. Did she have hands? Did she have fingers? Those were just a few of the questions that were looming over us that day as we left the appointment. At first, we didn’t want to tell anyone. Maybe it was shame or embarrassment, or both. But after some time, we knew the only way to get through the next few months would be prayer!

I was sent to a specialist who did an amniocentesis. He didn’t explain much at all and was lacking in bed side manner. I will never forget watching the monitor where I could see the baby, and see as they inserted this large needle into my belly. As soon as they did this, that baby knew there was something going on and immediately moved to the far side of my stomach. (Just a side note, that little human being growing inside of me was fully alive and aware of her surroundings) The amnio didn’t give us anymore information, and the so called specialist just told us we should consider an abortion. That was not an option for us.

The rest of my pregnancy was filled with uncertainties. We had no idea what to expect or how to prepare for her birth. We had a lot of people praying for us and our baby girl. It was during this time that the Serenity prayer became a source of guidance and peace for me. When my heart and mind would get overwhelmed, I would be reminded of the words of the prayer.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things that I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

The day came when her arrival was anticipated. We were beyond happy to see her little hands with all 10 fingers! She was born with Tar Syndrome. It is very rare, and both parents have to carry the gene. Even though you carry the gene, there is only a 25% chance of you passing it on. She was born without her radius bones, so we could tell her little arms were special. She also had a very low platelet count we had to keep an eye on. We decided to name her Serenity and the name has been a perfect fit.

That sweet little girl is fixing to celebrate her 21st birthday. I guess that is why today I am reflecting on her. It has all went by so fast and I could write a book on all the life lessons I have learned through her. Raising her has been one of the biggest blessings and challenges and she may not know it, but she has helped me in my walk with God. Watching her live with such strength, courage, and love for her Creator just inspires all those around her. She is very quiet, more the type to sit back and observe than to be the center of attention. She is compassionate, kind, a good listener and a loyal friend to those who choose to be a part of her story. She has a servant’s heart and stands up for what she believes in. She knows what it is like to be mistreated or judged based on her differences. She knows the hurt from careless or rude comments or even the long stares, but yet she stands and she smiles. Sure there have been many times the tears have come, but she lets them fall knowing it is part of her journey. Instead of letting those negative things make her bitter and angry, she strives to be a better person. She knows in her heart that God doesn’t make mistakes, even though the questions can sometimes linger, “Why me?”. Butterflies mean something special to her and I can see why. Their transformation from a caterpillar to the beautiful creature they become is a delicate, but sometimes harsh process. I have watched her transformation for the past 21 years and it fills my heart with so much love and gratitude. I am excited to see her life as it takes flight into the next chapter of adulthood. I am a better person having her in my life. She really does strive to live a good life and encourages others to do so.

So, as one of my biggest writing supporters and favorite followers, this blog is dedicated to you, Serenity. You are the one who encouraged me to write in the first place and to start my blog. There are times I hold back because I don’t want to write your story, but the thing is, your story is part of my story. One I will treasure forever. I love you so much. Happy birthday my sweet Serenity! Continue being you, because from where I am standing, you are pretty amazing!

Love,

Hayley W