Have you ever felt like you are just going the through the motions with no sense of direction or purpose? You may have several paths ahead of you to go down but instead you find yourself wandering in circles getting absolutely nowhere. I have recently found myself there and it is not the first time, nor will it be the last time. I never find the wilderness fun when it comes with a mediocre sense of well being. Like Meh. That is how I feel. June was extremely busy leaving me feeling like I was in survival mode most days. I found myself just wishing the time would pass so I could make it to July in hopes of a slower schedule. But even prior to June, I was just here. Not hot, not cold, just lukewarm. A scary place to encounter at times as even the Bible warns about being lukewarm. I know for a fact that these seasons are part of our Christian walk. I personally don’t think they can be avoided. They just come and then thankfully they go. They usually hang around longer than wanted but I have learned you just have to keep pressing on because as one of our church members has always said, “This too shall pass.”
Several occasions I would get on my blog to try to start a new post only to just stare blankly at the blinking cursor. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. I may could come up with a title but absolutely no words would follow. Maybe I am just not cut out for this anymore? I would take a deep breath, sigh and then close out the screen and shut my laptop. No doubt, I have been in a period of growth but not the exciting or fun kind. I feel like I am in a season of learning to heal. Trying to let go and forgive. Trying not to be offended. Trying to let the truth simmer and settle in my heart over the emotions that are vying to be expressed. Just cause you feel it, it doesn’t mean it is true. When people wrong you or the ones you love it is tough to get over. Our enemy will try to get us to marinate our thoughts on that hurt to a point where we get stuck in our pain. Everything we do will stem from that hurt. How we see things, how we treat others, and how we react to situations. This really isn’t fair to those around us who are innocent and have done nothing wrong. If we are not careful it can cause our hearts to harden and not only to that particular event or circumstance, but our hearts can become completely numb to everything. It will affect who we are. I do not enjoy those seasons but it is just part of the journey we must process and get through.
Lessons I have learned from this is to not become the person or situation that hurt you or your family. Hurt people, hurt people. Healed people, heal people. I do not want to become bitter, but better. I may never understand the “why” behind one’s actions, but I must realize I am not accountable for them. I can only control my actions and my attitude.
Healing is a process. Forgiveness is a process. You can be doing really good with both and then one little thought or incident may arise and knock you back several steps. It is okay. The most important thing is to get back up and keep moving forward. Refocus, regroup and carry on. Remind yourself of the truth of the situation. For me, I know God loves me. He forgives me. He showers me with grace. He gives me peace. Now I am not suppose to keep those to myself but I am to turn around and pay it forward to those around me with his help and guidance. I cannot do this on my own. We can love and forgive others because God has done that for us.
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19 ESV
Keep moving forward,
Hayley W
Unpolished & Imperfect 