So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up. Galatians 6:9
In my last post, I told you about our mission trip that was coming up soon and fourteen from our church would be attending. Well, it arrived and we spent the weekend up in Bear Branch, KY. We were able to help meet the needs of two families who had been going through some really hard times. God was there and it was amazing to see how he had worked it all out on the projects we had scheduled and how our people and their skill set matched up to those needs. He always amazes me how he lines it all up. I know it wasn’t a coincidence. It was a beautiful weekend, with good fellowship and time spent getting closer to God and each other.
On the way to Kentucky, I could feel my allergies starting to act up. At least I thought it was my allergies. I absolutely love the fall season, but it doesn’t always love me back. I pushed through the weekend, but honestly didn’t feel 100%. I thought to myself how I had managed to stay healthy for the past eighteen months and then the one weekend we went on the mission trip, sickness overshadowed me. I am not going to lie, I had a few short pity parties of the whole “Why me?”. We live in a time now where being sick has taken on a whole new weight. It puts fear on our mind and causes anxiety to rise up. On the way home, my daughter also started not feeling good and by the next day, she started running a fever. We went to the doctor and it was Covid. The next two weeks were spent quarantined in my bedroom with my daughter. My husband and son were feeling well, so we didn’t want to spread our germs to them. I never realized just how small and stuffy my room was until I was stuck there for days. I could feel the walls closing in on me as each day passed. Feeling “stuck” or “trapped” in that bedroom was one of the hardest things for us to tolerate with this virus. We missed our freedom and our family. Thankfully our symptoms were mild and we give God the praise for watching over us.
Some synonyms of stuck are jammed, immovable, bogged down, wedged, rooted, secure, anchored and stable. As I pondered over some of these words, I noticed some lean towards a negative perspective and others lean towards a more positive view. It made me think about my Christian walk and the seasons we all go through. I would be dishonest with you if I said being a Christian has always been easy. It has not. Being stuck in this sinful flesh, it is a daily choice one must make to follow God, or follow the world. Some days I feel so close to God, my heart is full of joy and my desire to seek him and trying to live a life pleasing to him is very strong. I make time for him each day, praying and reading his word. I feel as though my relationship with God is rooted, secure, and anchored. Now, I wish I could tell you I was this way most of the time, but the truth is my Christian walk has seasons that flow like a roller coaster track. Up and down, it takes twist and turns, sometimes leaving me feeling upside down not knowing what side is up. At times, my passion and fire for the Lord feel nothing more than a small ember putting off the faintest glow. It is in these moments, my relationship with God feels stuck, bogged down, wedged in a spot that I just can’t seem to get out of. I wish I had the answers to why we go through these seasons, but I do not. I do know sometimes there are factors that lead us down certain paths. When my schedule starts to get full, my time for God seems to lessen. When I focus on what is going on in this world, my heart becomes calloused and cold. Maybe a prayer wasn’t answered in the way I had anticipated, so I let the disappointment and doubt creep in. When I let my eyes start to wonder on those around me, comparison can set in making me feel discontent and ungrateful. When I take my eyes off God, and dwell on my problems, I lose my focus. There is an abundance of distractions that can keep us from where we should be with God. There are times though, when I feel like I am doing it all right: reading God’s word, going to church, taking time to pray, but yet I still feel distant from him. It seems like a season of silence on God’s part. It could be that maybe I am going through the actions only to have my heart not in it. I am guilty of this. Or possibly, this is a season of growing my faith. The older I get, I have learned in these times, it is important to keep on keeping on. Even if I don’t feel like I am getting anything from it, I must keep on reading my Bible, praying, and attending church. I must keep seeking and keep following him because I know that seasons don’t last. They come and go, some lasting longer than others. I have found it scary how easy it is to pull away or become distant from God. Even after all he has done for me, I still struggle with it. I think it is a part of every Christian’s reality, so if you have felt this way from time to time, just know you are not alone. Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. This too shall pass, so just hang on to your faith and keep pressing on. God’s promises are true and he has been so faithful to me even though I fail him daily. His love is lasting and his forgiveness brings peace and salvation to those who seek it and believe.
Even in those periods of “feeling stuck”, I know they have purpose. It is up to me, to seek out the learning of what they might bring and ask for God’s help to open my eyes and heart. I don’t know about you, but I am a work in progress. I still have a lot of rough edges that need to be polished out. Thanks be to God I can be thankful for my imperfections because they draw me closer to the one who is perfect. I would hate to think of where I would be without my Jesus.
Keep pressing on,
Hayley W
Unpolished & Imperfect 