Issue after issue. Problem after problem. Bill after bill. Worry after worry.
Stress, fear, anxiety, tension, frustration. I have rubbed and massaged my forehead so much the past few weeks, the wrinkles and creases should be ironed out. No major catastrophe’s, just life and it’s mishaps. Rising with the sun each morning, each day seem to bring with it a new issue to figure out. The weariness of trying to come up with solutions was becoming exhausting. Not only mentally, but the knot between my shoulders and neck just got worse each day. I tried to keep a positive attitude, but we all have a breaking point, and well, I hit mine. I lost all self control at the kitchen table with the latest bad news, and couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. They poured out effortlessly and my posture just cowered. I felt defeated. I felt weak. In that moment, I was careless with the words that came out. I believe I even uttered the words “Satan, you win.” That still makes me cringe just to write those words. Looking back, it was just plain foolish. A downright silly outburst of not-so-nice words about my life. Shame on me. My “pity party for one” lasted a few minutes, and momentarily I felt some release, but then came on the guilt. I knew I had let the flesh win. I also knew I had to apologize to God and ask him to forgive me. With each obstacle thrown our way, my gaze was shifted away from him and onto the current problem. I knew better than that. I also had to apologize to my daughter, because unfortunately she witnessed my little episode.
The thing is that life happens to us all, the good and the bad, but God’s goodness is still present at all times. He loves us. He has good for us. Bad things happen because we live in a sinful world, not because God doesn’t care, but to many times we want to blame someone so we blame him. I think if we have someone to blame, it makes us filled justified when we poorly handle situations. The only one that failed in that moment was me. I was weak and discouraged and that is when the enemy took his opportunity to pounce.
Later on that evening, I was driving in my car on the interstate. I was feeling some conviction over what I said earlier out loud during my little breakdown. I ask God to forgive me. I am a child of God, so I had to remind myself that I am on the winning team. God is the victor, and because I belong to him, I am victorious as well. I was reminded of one of my favorite verses.
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:37
Did you catch that 4 letter word “more“? We aren’t just conquerors, we are more than conquerors because of Jesus and his love for us. That verse encourages me. It gives me hope and strength. I hope it does something for you as well. If you have time, read the whole 8th chapter of Romans. It has some good stuff! Not only did I feel that verse being impressed on my heart while driving, but then the song Overcomer by Mandisa came on the radio. I had one of those “church in the car” moments. I knew God was trying to reassure me and encourage me to keep on keeping on for him. He is worth it. I thought back on where I used to be, the mountains I have climbed, the valleys I have went through, and remembered who was with me every step of the way. Jesus. My Jesus. It hasn’t always been an easy path, but I have never had to walk it alone. He is faithful in his love for us and you can stand rock solid on his promises.
When life knocks you down repeatedly, you can either stay down or get back up. Ask God for the courage and strength to stand back up. No matter how dirty the path may get, knock the dust off and get back up, and carry on. I think of Jesus, beaten beyond recognition, forced to carry the cross he would be crucified on, but he didn’t give up. He carried on to fulfill his role for you and for me. You are stronger than you think and God will be with you. Keep up the good fight and keep your eyes on him.
Keep moving forward,
Hayley W
Unpolished & Imperfect 