Some of my blogs published do pertain to current circumstances, others are ones I have written in the past but at that moment didn’t feel like it was time to share. This one was actually written last year but I just now felt it was time to post it. So here you go, I hope it encourages you.
I am fixing to be pretty vulnerable at the moment, but in hopes it will help encourage someone and let them know they are not alone. I see it as fitting that as I write this, there is a storm brewing outside these doors. Dark skies, heavy rains, an occasional thunder that makes the walls shake. You can almost feel it from within as it rumbles. It seems parallel to my mood and spirit the past few weeks. Gloomy. Gray skies. Just blah. Usually with God’s help, I can navigate through troubled waters when they start to rock my life boat and keep rowing on course. But, if I am being transparent, the past few months have left me drifting. Drifting from the One who is my anchor.
I know we all go through seasons in our spiritual walk, but it is the struggles we tend to shy away from sharing with others. After all, no one wants to be seen as a weak Christian. Lately my spiritual walk has been “meh”. That is the only word that I tend to use to describe it. Not hot, not cold, just lukewarm which honestly can be dangerous ground. It is here where I find that I tend to get lazy. I slack in my effort in putting on the whole armor of God each morning. I get careless and lackadaisical in my relationship with God. I do not make my prayer time and devotional reading a priority. I hate to even admit it, but it is true. When I ponder why I must be in this season, all I seem to get is a shoulder shrug to sum it up. I have tried to think about what may have led to this. Is God trying to teach me something? What have I done wrong? At the beginning my efforts were going strong, but as time passed, and each trial came into my life was like a crashing ocean wave, one right after another. It wore me down. I was drained mentally and physically. Exhausted, I started to lose my focus, and so I started to drift. The thing about drifting is before you know it, you find yourself distant from solid foundation, and those you love, and more importantly the One who created you.
I have been a Christian for 33 years and with my experience this is just part of our walk that we will face periodically. We will all go through seasons. Today, I cannot tell you why I went adrift the past few months. It isn’t the first time, and unfortunately it won’t be the last. It is in these seasons, that is very easy to veer off the straight and narrow, and slide on it the wide path. The path with least resistant and more of ease. Let’s face it, every day we must choose Jesus. We must stay intentional in our relationship with him, and put his will over our will. So easy to write or say these words, but so hard to do. Especially when day in and day out, you feel like you are doing a decent job living a Christian life, but troubles just keep coming relentlessly. They don’t have to be on a grand scale to put off massive ripples either. Enough small ones can do just as much harm in rocking your boat. There are times when your just done. You just want to quit trying. The past 3 years have been filled with struggles it seems. It gets tiresome. I dare say at some point, maybe even several times, we have all wanted to just wave the white flag and say “I give up!!”. Maybe it has even gotten to the point, your faith has wavered and you have strayed from your heavenly Father. You wonder where God is and why is he not showing up. May I remind you that God is always present in our lives, the good and the bad. He sees your tears. He hears your murmurs when words just don’t come. His word tells us we will have troubles in this world.
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. John 16:33 ESV
I want you to know you are not alone. If no other person ever admits it to you, I have been there. I have struggled to keep up the good fight of faith.
But God.
He sends me reminders of his love for me. He calls to my attention his goodness in times past and present. He takes me back to all those moments where I couldn’t see a way, but lo and behold, he made one appear. He reminds me of all the blessings I have in my life. He brings to my mind of his faithfulness and there has never been a time, where he wasn’t close by. Whether it was sitting on the bathroom floor, driving home one night, or just sitting on the couch letting the tears fall. He was there, counting each one. He sees it all. The good. The bad. The in-between. And yet, he still forgives me for my short comings and his love for me is steadfast. Not only for me, but for you too. There are times it takes intention to see and feel these things. Slow down, take a deep breath, and know God has you. Completely and securely.
Keep moving forward,
Hayley W
Unpolished & Imperfect 